Disaster Movie Re-Cut

Six months ago I wrote a script for LoadingReadyRun called “Movie” Movies Movie, the video is a parody of the horrible “spoof” films by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. In order to write the script, I actually sat through Meet the Spartans (with a heavy hand on the fast forward button) and I confess that I have had a morbid fascination with their movies ever since. As a comedy writer, I find it is almost worth seeing the absolute worst that the genre can produce, just so I know what to avoid. What I really find interesting, though, are the brief glimpses of genuinely half decent comedy that will occasionally surface. Maybe there is a third, uncredited writer that manages to sneak some comedy into the script while Friedberg and Seltzer are at lunch, but I choose to believe that deep down inside one or both of these talentless hacks, a tiny sliver remains of a young, idealistic, comedy writer who just wants to make it big in Hollywood. They have tried to crush him, time and time again, replacing satire and parody with sloppy references and repetition, but yet, every once in a while, this inner comedian will give a tiny flutter, like a poor baby bird with a broken wing, causing them to snap out of their self induced coma and write an actual joke.

As an exercise, I thought it would be interesting to take their latest masterpiece, Disaster Movie, and edit it down to just all the funny bits. Unsurprisingly, this resulted in a very short film. Rather then just show a bunch of clips, though, I had the idea that maybe I could re-edit the film in such a way as to preserve some semblance of a story while hitting all the actual jokes. The end result is a little choppy, but I think it worked pretty well. My new 8 minute, 38 secs long version has pretty much the same plot as the original, but in theory should have at least 10x the humour density.

WARNING: This is in no way an endorsement of Disaster Movie. If you enjoy the re-cut version, feel secure in the knowledge that you have seen every even remotely funny bit of the film. Do not rent the movie from your local video store. I have suffered the pain of watching it so that you don’t have to.

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If you are curious as to what was cut out, check out this detailed spolier at themoviespoiler.com

Comments (13)

  1. King Kool wrote::

    I might be the only one watching this who has actually seen every frame of Disaster Movie (in a theater, no less). I got in for free, it was the last day of its run at that theater, and I was in there completely alone, only the second time that’s ever happened. (The third was when I saw Bangkok Dangerous later that day). If I’d paid to see it, I would have felt really ripped off.

    I didn’t originally laugh at the Beowulf joke, but when it wasn’t followed with an hour of soul-crushing nonsense, I actually laughed.

    I’m surprised you bothered to keep the 10,001 BC part in there. I knew the movie was in trouble after the one-minute belch joke. The belch throws his dreadlocks back, but there’s no sound effect to support that, like wind whooshing. That’s too sophisticated for this movie.

    The line, “I was thinking of other men” was followed by me in the audience calling out, “So was I!” I don’t know if you compressed his reaction, but it certainly seems like he didn’t take as long to say it this time around. (And it says something that one of this movie’s only funny moments is something I was able to come up with off the top of my head.)

    I couldn’t help but laugh when the guy in the Kung Fu Panda suit came out. That was so ridiculous, to make some poor martial artist dress up in that ridiculous outfit, I laughed despite myself.

    You also cut down on the ridiculous number of Ike Barinholtz cameos. There was something funny about him saying “This is the guy who ruined Star Wars,” referring to Hayden Christensen. But the guy who plays the main character, Matt Lanter, was the voice of Anakin Skywalker in the Clone Wars movie.

    I didn’t find the montage of hurting the girlfriend that funny in the first place, but it’s something you might see in a traditional comedy. I just didn’t laugh when I first saw it because of everything that had preceded it.

    I’ll go out on a limb and say the girl who played the princess did everything she could with the material. I could almost picture a whole movie about a deranged crackwhore princess, and that movie probably wouldn’t be very good, either.

    Family Guy has a lot to answer for, and this is part of it. These people are just imitating Family Guy’s randomness without understanding what makes it good (most of the time). It’s a crying shame, and so is the fact that any of use have to waste our time trying to make people understand why this stuff is contemptible junk.

    Monday, January 26, 2009 at 9:55 am #
  2. Paul wrote::

    I was actually fairly impressed with a couple of the main actors. I hope they get to go on and do a non-worthless film at some point.

    There were a couple of bits (the 10,001 mammoth stomp, the knocking out montage) that I kept in mostly because they seemed like the kind of traditional comedy that you would find in something like Hot Shots or Naked Gun. Both of which I have a great fondness for.

    Monday, January 26, 2009 at 10:06 am #
  3. MasterGunner wrote::

    Not having seen the whole movie, this had several non-sequitur moments in it, like the girl in the princess dress randomly appearing. However, that perhaps only made it funnier with the bizarreness of the whole thing, and having seen Meet the Spartans, knowing the what the missing parts of the movie would be like.

    All around, I like your edit of the movie, and would certainly enjoy to see more in the future, if you decide to do it again.

    Monday, January 26, 2009 at 3:07 pm #
  4. Jester wrote::

    It’s gone now, due to violations of Lions Gate’s copyright. Gotta love when “fair use” violates copyright. Hopefully they’ve never seen my “review” of Disaster Movie. Oh, Thanks Paul for the use of “Movie” Movies Movie.

    Sunday, March 15, 2009 at 3:23 pm #
  5. Paul wrote::

    Grrrrr. If there was ever an argument for something to be covered under fair use, this video is it. It uses only footage from Disaster Movie, to parody Disaster Movie. It isn’t very complicated.

    I am disputing the take down, so we shall see.

    Monday, March 16, 2009 at 2:01 pm #
  6. meur wrote::

    I actually paid to go see this movie and i thought it is decent. Although it hasn’t gotten to level of inaccuracy that makes it hilarious the whole time.

    I think maybe 1 or 2 parts that were good were left out. Ex: the Micheal Jackson part in the car, the song at the end, and of course my favorite, when Hannah Montana is hit by a meteor!

    Saturday, April 25, 2009 at 9:54 am #
  7. Jester wrote::

    Great work Paul. Is it sad that even the “funny” parts of this film aren’t that funny?

    Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 10:06 pm #
  8. Gracie wrote::

    Great job on the video Paul…the take down jst shows that enough people watched it to draw attention to your video. I hope someday you’ll get back the brain cells you sacrificed for our entertainment.

    Sunday, September 27, 2009 at 5:36 pm #
  9. Daniel wrote::

    A valiant attempt Paul, but these jokes must have benefitted from almost unimaginably lowered expectations – and unfortunately your endorsement raised expectations again. Still horrendous, and surprisingly mysogynistic. The only joke that I chuckled at sounds like it was stolen: “I was thinking of other men too”

    Monday, February 15, 2010 at 3:40 pm #
  10. The Waybad wrote::

    Urgh, THOSE were the funniest bits?

    I don’t think Lionsgate have “copyright” issues. I think they’re just ashamed at how sh**ty a movie they had made. I’d probably have done the same thing…or just stabbed myself repeatedly in the face for penance (hey, that would actually be more amusing).

    Thursday, December 16, 2010 at 1:34 pm #
  11. Squires91 wrote::

    this is brilliant, good job paul. it would be fantastic if you could do more of these, although i can understand your reluctance to do so, what with the amount of ass you have to sit through to actually get the good bits.

    Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm #
  12. Zak McKracken wrote::

    Boooy, these types of jokes were funny in the eighties and nineties. Starting with Kentucky Fried Movie and ending with Hot Shots 3.
    During that time they have been done to death, And they better stay dead if they know what’s good for them.
    Because, you know, I really loved those movies, but I won’t be able to watch them again ever, because of “movies” movies.
    Thanks, Paul for the movie breakdown. I knew it cound’t be good, but I did not know it was so horrible.

    Sunday, March 20, 2011 at 11:39 am #
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    Tuesday, January 10, 2017 at 10:43 am #

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