Disaster Movie Re-Cut Back Online

So, despite it being an textbook case of Fair Use, YouTube has decided to take down my re-edit of Disaster Movie. YouTube’s copyright dispute process goes something like this:

  1. Lionsgate flags video as infringing on their copyright, Youtube takes it down
  2. User responds explaining why it is actually totally not copyright infringement, video goes back up
  3. YouTube asks Lionsgate if they made a mistake, they say no, video goes down.
  4. To further the dispute, user has to mail a bunch of personal information along with a detailed account of why they are not infringing.

Putting the burden of proof on the side with least resources is bullshit.

In any case, I got to step 4 in the process and then realized that, “Wait! The friendly and awesome people at Dreamhost give me over 8 TB of bandwidth / month, I can just host it myself!”

Which I have.

So if you didn’t get a chance to see it before it was taken offline, check it out now!

Disaster Movie Re-Cut

Celebrate Good Times

Scenario One: You are waiting for the response to an extremely important business proposal. The client is over due and you have been reduced to compulsively hitting the Send/Receive All button every 30 seconds. Finally, you hear a small beep, and the message appears in your inbox. You got the job! But wasn’t that a little anti-climactic?

Scenario Two: Thanks to modern social networking advancements, you have found the IM username of your one true love. Perfect in every way, she loves musical adaptations of obscure Norwegian TV shows and hates olives on foccatia bread, just like you do. You log on to MSN, ready to declare your undying love, only to find that she is offline. You pace the room, unwilling to move on to anything else until she knows the depths of your feelings. 2 hours later the little icon beside her name changes to indicate she has logged in. You and your true love live happily ever after, but when you think back, don’t you wish you had something more then the change in a GIF image beside her name to remind you of this life changing event?

Our lives are full of these little lights, noises and images that let us know when things happen, but sometimes you need something a little more.

Introducing Celebration, a plugin for the Growl notification framework that gives you something a little more then a standard beep. In the form of a marching band and fireworks.

Celebration [zip]

Usage Instructions:

  1. Install Growl
  2. Unzip file (you should have a document called celebration.growlStyle)
  3. Double click on celebration.growlStyle
  4. When it asks to install, click Yes
  5. To get the maximum impact, go into the Display Options for Celebration and set the Duration to 10s
  6. Use Growl to set Celebration as the notification for whatever events you want.
  7. Celebrate good times!

Requirements:

  • Growl
  • Growl requires Mac OS X 10.4 or higher

For those of you not on OS X or who don’t want to install Growl, here is a video of the notification in action. In this case it is notifying me of a completed download.

YouTube Preview Image

The Mighty Text File

Don’t get me wrong, databases are cool. As a PHP programmer and web developer, I use relational databases every day, and for complex data sets, searching or sorting, nothing is better. The problem is that as soon as you are using a database, no matter how small, you suddenly have a whole bunch of extra overhead. You need to have a database server, write SQL queries, optimize results, and (my least favorite) build some sort of admin interface to actually add/remove/edit the data. If you are just doing a simple project, all this seems like a lot of work for a very small result. Enter the text file.

For many purposes, storing the data in a flat text file can be just as effective as a full database, and it is so much quicker and easier to work with. Want to add an item? Open the text file up in Notepad and add it in. Same for removing and editing. No muss, no fuss, no admin interface needed. For the first 3 years or so, this is how LoadingReadyRun.com operated. The one downside of using a text file for this kind of project is that is can be a little tricky to read back in a useful way, my first text file base projects had a lot of file[0].” “.file[2]. Which works fine, but is a little opaque if you don’t know the exact format of the text file.

To solve this problem, I wrote the following handy little function and have used it in a bunch of projects since:

 <?php
 
function parse_data_file($path,$delim='|'){
	$items = file($path);
	$headers = array_shift($items);
	$headers = explode($delim,trim($headers));
 
	$out = array();
 
	foreach($items as $row => $item){
		$item_array = explode($delim,trim($item));
		foreach($item_array as $col => $field){
			$out[$row][$headers[$col]] = $field;
		}
	}
	return $out;
}
 
?>

When given the path to a text file, this function returns all the data in an associative array with the column names based on the first line of the text file.

For example, given the following text file:

first_name|last_name|phone|fax
Bob|Fredson|5551235678|5551235678
Fred|Johnosn|5551875678|5551274678
John|Bobson|5551231178|555123444

The function would return the following array:

array {
	[0] => array {
		[first_name] => Bob
		[last_name] => Fredson
		[phone] => 5551235678
		[fax] => 5551235678
		}
	[1] => array {
		[first_name] => Fred
		[last_name] => Johnosn
		[phone] => 5551875678
		[fax] => 5551274678
		}
	[2] => array {
		[first_name] => John
		[last_name] => Bobson
		[phone] => 5551231178
		[fax] => 5551234445
		}
	}

Note: The function defaults to the pipe character, “|”, as a delimiter. I chose this character because it will probably never come up in the data and it also looks as much like a seperator as possible. If you want to use a different delimiter (”;” or “#”, for example) just pass it as the second parameter.

**[[[MS OFFICE NUDE PATCH]]]]**

As everyone should remember, way back in 2005, there was a lot of controversy about GTA3 San Andreas and the whole Hot Coffee mod thing. Just to remind you, this was a downloadable hack for the PC version of GTA3:SA that allowed players to access a ridiculously tame “having sex” mini game when one of your in-game girlfriends invited you in for coffee. I don’t know if there was ever an official statement from Rockstar, but it was obviously something that they experimented with in the development process and then rightly decided to drop because it was a horrible idea, completely unnecessary, and needlessly offensive. To be clear, the mini game was not accessible in the game in any way, no cheat codes or game glitches would ever allow you to see it. The only way was to go out and download this special patch that modified the game and added it in. Despite this, various advocacy groups (including Jack Thompson and  Hillary Clinton) lost their shit and forced to the ESRB to reclassify the game as Adult Only, which caused Walmart, Target, Best Buy and many others to pull it from their shelves.

This got me thinking: if a game has to be responsible for everything hackers can do to it, why not other pieces of software? Microsoft Office is the obvious example, as it is installed an pretty much everyone’s computer already and is in daily use by millions of people around the world. What if some malicious “hacker” (eg. me) were to make a “mod” that added naked tits to the previously wholesome MS Office assistant? Would Microsoft have to recall the program and make it only purchasable in seedy back alleys? After all, think of the children!

So, for your enjoyment, I present my new MS Office assistant:

nude.zip

Installation instructions:

  1. Download above nude.zip
  2. Unzip file. You should have nude.asc
  3. Move nude.acs into C:/WINDOWS/MSAGENT/CHARS
    or C:/WINNT/MSAGENT/CHARS folder, depending on your operating system.
  4. Launch MS Word (or any other Office program)
  5. Go to Help > Microsoft Word Help (or push F1)
  6. Right click on the Office Assistant that pops up, click on Choose Assistant…
  7. Click the Next button until you see the tits
  8. Click OK
  9. Complain to your local parental advisory committee

NOTE: This is only tested on Office XP for Windows XP, YMMV.

If you can’t get it to work, I have included a screen shot after the jump (NSFW, obviously)

Continued reading >

PowerPoint Bulk Image Import

PowerPoint sucks. I don’t think there is much of an arguement about that. It is slow, bloated and difficult to use and even when you do get it working, the presentations tend to be somewhat lacking. Nevertheless, it has become the defacto standard (much like Word and Excel) and it is pretty much unavoidable in the business world.

A few years ago, I was working full time as tech support and graphic designer for a company whose boss gave a lot of presentations.  Coming from a background of transparencies and slide projectors, most of her presentations were composed of lots and lots of full frame images. It often fell to me to import all these images into the PowerPoint presentation, a process that consisted of creating a new slide, inserting the image on to the slide, sizeing it to fit and centering it. Repeat until dead. I knew there had to be a better way, but the few bulk import plugins I found online were 1) commercial and 2) windows only. It didn’t seem like it should be that hard a problem, so I set about trying to automate the process myself using Applescript. It turned out to be a little more complicated then I thought, necessitating a crash course in Visual Basic for Applications and way to much digging around in Microsoft developer documentation, but I am pretty happy with the end result.

I figured other people might be in the same boat, so I have cleaned it up a little and am posting it here for your downloading pleasure.

PowerPoint Bulk Image Import [zip]

Usage Instructions:

  1. Unzip file (you should have an Applescript executable called PowerPoint Bulk Image Import)
  2. Launch PowerPoint
  3. Launch PowerPoint Bulk Image Import
  4. Choose the folder containing all your images
  5. The script will make a new PowerPoint presentation and import all the images, one on each slide
  6. Now that you have a bunch of spare time, go watch the latest video over on loadingreadyrun.com

Requirements:

  • Mac OS 10.3 or higher
  • Microsoft PowerPoint X or higher (tested with PowerPoint X and 11)

One really cool use of this script that I realized afterwards is in compressing an overly large presentation. Depending on your computer, PowerPoint tends to crap out when presentations get over 300 MB or so. It will crash more often and every slide will take much longer to load. Since PowerPoint for Mac (at least every version I have used) does not have a way to downsample images to the slide resolution, loading up a couple of hundred high res jpgs can quickly put you over this limit. I cool trick I have found is to set the presentation up how you want it and then go to Save as… and save it as a series of jpegs at whatever resolution you are showing the presentation. You will now have a folder full of downsampled jpegs at the perfect resultion. Use the bulk Import script the re-import all the images into a new presentation and you should have saved a lot of space. Using this technique, I have turned a 500MB presentation into a 75MB presentation without any oss of quality when projected.

Disaster Movie Re-Cut

Six months ago I wrote a script for LoadingReadyRun called “Movie” Movies Movie, the video is a parody of the horrible “spoof” films by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. In order to write the script, I actually sat through Meet the Spartans (with a heavy hand on the fast forward button) and I confess that I have had a morbid fascination with their movies ever since. As a comedy writer, I find it is almost worth seeing the absolute worst that the genre can produce, just so I know what to avoid. What I really find interesting, though, are the brief glimpses of genuinely half decent comedy that will occasionally surface. Maybe there is a third, uncredited writer that manages to sneak some comedy into the script while Friedberg and Seltzer are at lunch, but I choose to believe that deep down inside one or both of these talentless hacks, a tiny sliver remains of a young, idealistic, comedy writer who just wants to make it big in Hollywood. They have tried to crush him, time and time again, replacing satire and parody with sloppy references and repetition, but yet, every once in a while, this inner comedian will give a tiny flutter, like a poor baby bird with a broken wing, causing them to snap out of their self induced coma and write an actual joke.

As an exercise, I thought it would be interesting to take their latest masterpiece, Disaster Movie, and edit it down to just all the funny bits. Unsurprisingly, this resulted in a very short film. Rather then just show a bunch of clips, though, I had the idea that maybe I could re-edit the film in such a way as to preserve some semblance of a story while hitting all the actual jokes. The end result is a little choppy, but I think it worked pretty well. My new 8 minute, 38 secs long version has pretty much the same plot as the original, but in theory should have at least 10x the humour density.

WARNING: This is in no way an endorsement of Disaster Movie. If you enjoy the re-cut version, feel secure in the knowledge that you have seen every even remotely funny bit of the film. Do not rent the movie from your local video store. I have suffered the pain of watching it so that you don’t have to.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

If you are curious as to what was cut out, check out this detailed spolier at themoviespoiler.com

Mission Statement

Ok, so here’s the deal: this blog is not going to be about my day to day life, funny things I see, people I meet or any of the traditional “blog” subjects. I write, produce, and act in videos every week, I manage a website that has its own blog and forums and I’m in a weekly podcast in which we talk about video games we are playing and answer viewer questions. I’m pretty happy with how “out there” I am in the online world and have no great desire to extend myself further*.  If you want to find out what is happening behind the scenes at LoadingReadyRun, I suggest to check out the LRR Blog or the LRR Crew’s various twitter accounts.

That being said, occasionally I have random ideas for little projects that are unrelated to LRR. Sometimes they are videos, sometimes websites, sometimes programs, or sometimes just little code snippets. Mostly they are just silly, but occasionally they may be useful to someone. Up until now all this stuff has just sat around on my hard drive, forgotten and unloved. Occasionally I will look at one and play with it, but mostly the actual process of creating it was the fun part and I lose interest once it is finished. Projects like this are only really cool if you have someone to show them to, so I have decided to set up this blog to make this stuff available to the world at large. Mostly it is just nice to have them some place where I know I won’t accidentally delete them in a hard drive clean up.

Note that this blog will probably be updated very sporadically, maybe once a week, once a month or maybe even just a couple times a year. It all depends on if I get inspired to make something worth looking at. If you are interested in my work, I suggest you subscribe to the RSS feed so that you don’t keep coming back to be disappointed.

*on a related note, you probably shouldn’t bother adding me on facebook, I don’t check it very often.