As everyone should remember, way back in 2005, there was a lot of controversy about GTA3 San Andreas and the whole Hot Coffee mod thing. Just to remind you, this was a downloadable hack for the PC version of GTA3:SA that allowed players to access a ridiculously tame “having sex” mini game when one of your in-game girlfriends invited you in for coffee. I don’t know if there was ever an official statement from Rockstar, but it was obviously something that they experimented with in the development process and then rightly decided to drop because it was a horrible idea, completely unnecessary, and needlessly offensive. To be clear, the mini game was not accessible in the game in any way, no cheat codes or game glitches would ever allow you to see it. The only way was to go out and download this special patch that modified the game and added it in. Despite this, various advocacy groups (including Jack Thompson and  Hillary Clinton) lost their shit and forced to the ESRB to reclassify the game as Adult Only, which caused Walmart, Target, Best Buy and many others to pull it from their shelves.

This got me thinking: if a game has to be responsible for everything hackers can do to it, why not other pieces of software? Microsoft Office is the obvious example, as it is installed an pretty much everyone’s computer already and is in daily use by millions of people around the world. What if some malicious “hacker” (eg. me) were to make a “mod” that added naked tits to the previously wholesome MS Office assistant? Would Microsoft have to recall the program and make it only purchasable in seedy back alleys? After all, think of the children!

So, for your enjoyment, I present my new MS Office assistant:

nude.zip

Installation instructions:

1. Download above nude.zip
2. Unzip file. You should have nude.asc
3. Move nude.acs into C:/WINDOWS/MSAGENT/CHARS
   or C:/WINNT/MSAGENT/CHARS folder, depending on your operating system.
4. Launch MS Word (or any other Office program)
5. Go to Help > Microsoft Word Help (or push F1)
6. Right click on the Office Assistant that pops up, click on Choose Assistant…
7. Click the Next button until you see the tits
8. Click OK
9. Complain to your local parental advisory committee

NOTE: This is only tested on Office XP for Windows XP, YMMV.

If you can’t get it to work, I have included a screen shot after the jump (NSFW, obviously)